In the long river of Chinese marital culture, betrothal gifts have always been a symbol embodying emotions and a sense of ritual. From "Najing" (the third of the "Three Letters and Six Rites") in ancient China to an important part of modern wedding procedures, the form of betrothal gifts has changed, but the respect and expectations behind them have never faded. However, with the changes of the times, this traditional custom is facing new scrutiny—how to allow betrothal gifts to retain cultural heritage while not deviating from the essence of marriage has become a proposition worth exploring.
The original intention of Chinese betrothal gifts is an expression of goodwill from the groom's family to the bride's family. In traditional Chinese society, the marriage of a daughter meant the loss of a family laborer. Betrothal gifts were not only a repayment for the bride's parents' efforts in raising her but also initial support for the new couple to build their small family, embodying the ritual sense and sense of responsibility of a "proper marriage." The amount of money was irrelevant; what mattered was the completeness of the etiquette: it might be several bolts of silk or some grains, all symbolizing the importance both families attached to the marriage and their blessings for the new couple. This tradition based on emotions and ethics made betrothal gifts a link connecting the two families, rather than a mere material exchange.
Undeniably, in some regions of China, betrothal gifts have gradually shown a tendency of alienation. In some places, the amount of betrothal gifts is linked to face, forming a "comparison trend": betrothal gifts have transformed from symbolic money into "rigid indicators," and even exaggerated terms such as "ten thousand purples, a thousand reds, and a patch of green" (referring to a large sum of cash) and "a house and a car" have emerged. Excessively high betrothal gifts have put many groom's families under economic pressure, forcing them to take on debts to raise the money, casting a utilitarian shadow over the joyful marriage event. What's worse, some engagements have fallen through due to disputes over the amount of betrothal gifts, making emotions give way to material things. This phenomenon that deviates from the essence not only goes against the original intention of betrothal gifts but also lays hidden dangers for marriage and causes anxiety among young people about weddings.
With the progress of social concepts in China, betrothal gifts are gradually returning to rationality and authenticity. More and more young Chinese people realize that the core of marriage is emotional compatibility rather than material accumulation. Many Chinese families have begun to simplify the form of betrothal gifts: some convert betrothal gifts into a down payment for the new couple's house or an education fund, allowing the money to truly serve the construction of the small family; some use symbolic small amounts of money paired with heartfelt gifts such as flowers and letters, letting the sense of ritual return to emotions themselves; others, the bride's family, return the entire betrothal gift or even add additional dowry, reflecting the family concept of "mutual support." Both in Chinese cities and rural areas, new trends such as "zero betrothal gifts" and "low-carbon betrothal gifts" have quietly emerged. Young people use ways like travel weddings and public welfare weddings to convey the marital concept of "valuing affection over gifts."
Social and policy guidance in China is also promoting the healthy development of the betrothal gift culture. Various regions in China have actively advocated "civilized marriage customs," resisting exorbitant betrothal gifts and the comparison trend through village regulations and people's conventions, and red and white councils. In Chinese media promotions, positive energy cases such as "converting betrothal gifts into charitable donations" and "exchanging gift money for joint assets" have let more people see the diverse possibilities of betrothal gifts. At the legal level, China has clearly prohibited demanding property through marriage, drawing a "red line that cannot be crossed" for betrothal gifts. These changes have made betrothal gifts once again a carrier of emotions, rather than a "threshold" for marriage.
Betrothal gifts are never a necessity for marriage, but they have always been a mirror of culture. They can be a vivid continuation of traditional Chinese rituals, or they may lose their way in utilitarianism. The truly valuable betrothal gifts lie not in the amount, but in the respect, responsibility, and blessings they contain. When we remove the utilitarian shackles from betrothal gifts and let them return to the essence of "a small gift conveys deep affection," we can not only retain the warmth of traditional Chinese culture but also meet the core demands of modern marriage.
The true meaning of marriage is the mutual companionship of two independent individuals and the mutual achievement of two families. As the opening prelude to marriage, betrothal gifts should play a melody of warmth and rationality. In the collision between Chinese tradition and modernity, only by letting betrothal gifts shed impetuosity and return to authenticity can every marriage start with sincerity and end in happiness—this is the proper appearance of the betrothal gift culture in the new era.
